Altier

The Day Bree Became Good

Everyone Else . . . Not So Much

I can’t say I remember what actually happened that day, as I was busy developing my spells and abilities. I was following along the rest of the party when all the sudden everyone started screaming, “The walls are moving!” We were in a corridor that had another corridor pass through it perpendicularly, making it look like a cross if you could see it from above.

In reality, it wasn’t the walls that were moving. At least, not all of the walls were moving. Just the enclosures of the cross. We all started to huddle in the middle of said cross, believing it to be the safest place. Except for the fact that some ends wouldn’t move as slowly as the rest.

One end started to tremble and came slamming into Corak, and thus Corak into me, I being next to him. This lovely wall also brought a leg along with it, severed from its previous owner.

Soon, two of the other walls began to also tremble. We all retreated to the one last wall, hoping that the trembling wall on the opposite end wouldn’t slam into us. In a desperate search, I heard someone scratching above me. Winter was already ahead of me, climbed up Corak to reach the ceiling. Luckily, I had studied the art of spider climb that day.

Climbing on top of Corak and Winter (“Ouch!” said Winter. “You big fat human!” Which is a fallacy somewhat, considering the fact that I am only half human), I reached the top. Suddenly, a ceiling tile removed itself and a hairy hand reached towards me. “Hurry!” a gruff voice yelled.

I was pulled up, finding a hairy, one-legged man. What luck! I just saw a leg that could possibly fit on this fine fellow. “Grab the leg!” I yelled to the others below as we were pulling them up. Girth, using his mage-hand, was able to grab it before the wall slammed against the wall opposite. (Or, in other words, against the other wall where we would have been smashed to smithereens, crying, “Sweet potato fries!”)

Unfortunately, our lovely bard, Heavy Pete wasn’t so lucky. He lost a shoe. Poor lad.

When we all came above and got a good look around, Winter thought (so she told me afterward, that “he was a rather large beast. His stomach hanging out. He wasn’t too good of temper either.” And, unfortunately, my memory doesn’t serve me too well, so I cannot remember the rest of our conversation. Oh! She and I did have a lovely time remembering the banter regarding his severed leg. Ho ho!

Apparently, great and large men who tend to have lots of hair do not like having their leg brought back to them, for when Girth presented it, he got smack-ed right in the face-ed! This type of thing ended up happening twice again, as we were stuck in this tiny space until the walls moved to their former positions.

Oh, we also heard news from Waffles that this man was transformed by a wizard. Waffles. He’s a different sort of Eladrin. Or perhaps, that’s the way they all come. Winter will agree with me on this, there is something very peculiar, er, gay, about him. The first time, as Winter tells it, Waffles and I were rescued by her, Waffles proclaimed his love for Heavy Pete (which was not the first time, I having been with Waffles longer than anyone else in this party).

During the wait period, I began to study my spells again. I can’t really recall what happened between the time we were stuck in that small space and the time we ran into owl-bears. Why we ran into owl-bears in the first place, I have no idea. Most of the time, when you leave your provisions out on the ground and owl-bears come to eat it, you don’t try to get your half-eaten food back. Not the case when you’re traveling with the perfect mix of an Eladrin, Halfling (excuse me, Hobbit), Dragonborn, dwarf, and whatever that Girth happens to be.

So Waffles ends up getting hugged tightly by one owl-bear, so much that he is caught within its claws. Trying to help Waffles, I blinded the owl-bear so that it wouldn’t see me as I attempted to pull Waffles from its grasp. Unfortunately, I am a warlock. We aren’t typically known for our strength, or as Winter likes to put it, sumo wrestlers. Yeah, I couldn’t pull him from the owl-bear’s grasp.

As the rest of the crew slew the owl-bear holding onto Waffles, the one after Winter began to run away. This is where the best part comes: I DIDN’T SLAY THE RUNNING OWL-BEAR! Get it! I’m good now!

The crystal shines.

Comments

Ha, ha, ha, ha! So funny! Who makes up these hilarious things? One thing I got to say about this dude who wrote this, it (not sure if it’s a he or she, and therefore I’m calling it an it) is really funny!

The Day Bree Became Good
leztnad

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